Aquatic-Angel

I just.
Life.
LIFE
IS A GIFT.
And following the bible is actually very liberating. I was scared to do some things BUT I DID THEM AND IT WAS GOOD. <3
So if anyone's scared to apologize to someone's face for being internally angry with them, just do the thing.
You'll feel better.
Especially if you know that being mad was your own problem and not theirs it's just like
there's really no problem anymore almost it's like all good.

Maybe I don't need meds *bricked* Nah actually I was crying last night because I pretended my life was a soap opera I still need help *shot* X'DDD
"YOU SO HAPPY?! HERE'S UNNECESSARY SAD THOUGHTS"

but life's not so fantastic for my friend atm so I'm really bad at explaining things while staying vague, but one of my dear friends really needs prayer right now. She's not in immediate danger but she's feeling extremely worried on a couple of levels and one of those directly concerns her father, who also is in desperate need of prayer. She asked me not to share details too much  so I can't really say anything else. Prayers would be appreciated. Thank you!

I AM AVAILABLE TO TALK TO FOR ANY REASON AT ANY TIME. PLEASE, "BURDEN" ME WITH ALL YOUR PROBLEMS. "BOTHER" ME WITH ALL YOUR RANTINGS. I AM HERE TO LISTEN AND I WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU. WHEN I TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN TALK TO ME
I MEAN IT
AND I MEAN TO SAY
I WANT YOU TO TALK TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING THAT'S BOTHERING YOU.
I don't care if you're suicidal, livid, or anxious, I WANT TO HELP BY BEING THERE FOR YOU. If you just need to calm down, I'm willing to help. If you want advice, I'm willing to help! Even if I don't know how, I would rather you TRY with me then try to wrestle things out on your own! If you know you can't do it alone, please come and talk to me.
P L E A S E.
I hate to be this way, but it makes me angry to see people who I would like to be friends with or just friends I already have STRUGGLING and going through crap, and they won't talk to me about it! I want to have relationships with some of them, but they almost never contact me and sometimes I'll message them and they won't get around to answering me. I just want to help.
And to one of the people whom I am specifically referring to, yes, I'm sorry that I didn't see your Skype status until this morning when it's (HOPEFULLY NOT) too late, but man. I OFFERED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT ALL THIS STUFF. I'm only mad that you don't! I really care about you, okay?! I don't like to see anyone suffer like that! If you are still there, PLEASE. Talk to me. Yes, I have other things to do, but that doesn't mean that I won't stop what I'm doing when it's really important (unless I can't). And when I can't stop to talk, that doesn't mean I don't care. I'm just a college student so I have other things to worry about, but that doesn't mean I care any less!
I'm sorry, I just could list the people I have tried to offer emotional support to who don't take advantage of it and, I don't love you any less, but it still kinda bothers me when you have a breakdown and you don't reach out to me.
I'm sure there's a few people who feel the same way about me, and right now, I'd just like to apologize: whenever I have a breakdown, I am SO sorry you have to put up with it. It's worse than a random stranger having to put up with it because some of you have offered to listen to me multiple times and I just never contacted you. So I can see if any of you get a upset that I didn't. I'm sorry for upsetting you.
Because I know I do this, I know exactly the problem you (who have the breakdowns and don't talk to me) have with coming to me. But let me just smash those doubts:
YOU ARE NOT BOTHERING ME.
You're not. If you come to me, I am HAPPY to help. Again, if you find you can't do it alone, even if you think it's this deeply personal thing that you have to get over on your own,
REACH OUT. If not me, talk to SOMEBODY. A FEW SOMEONES IF NECESSARY. IT'S OKAY. Somebody you trust who you know will listen. And if they fail you? Back to me. Because there are certain subjects on which I might fail too, but I try really hard to be loving to everyone. I try to be as understanding as I possibly can and give good advice. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I wanna slap somebody (but usually it's a godmodder in a DA chatroom or someone who... just trust me, none of you are that person). But a good portion of the time I think you guys hurt more if you don't at least give it a try. People have told me things I would never repeat. I do my best not to judge, and most definitely DON'T if it's something from their past that haunts them. Everybody has their own reasons, everybody's a sinner. Everybody has as much a right to feel hurt as the next person. Everybody has a right to their own feelings. Even if they're wrong, they have a right to feel.
You exist for a reason. For a purpose. Maybe we just don't know what that is yet. And it might take a long, long time for us to find out.
BUT THAT'S OKAY.
I DON'T KNOW MY PURPOSE EITHER.
We all just need to do our best to be our best. But that DOESN'T mean we can't reach out for help. We should. That's what the purpose of the entire social system is. That's why we make social connections. The purpose is for support and companionship. Don't feel bad just for being human. Dont' feel bad because I'm kinda upset when you guys don't talk to me.
Just know, I am here for you.
That isn't going to change.
I'm here for people who forgot me long ago.
If you need somebody, I'm here. Even if our political or social justice views are incompatible, we can get over that. It IS possible. My best friend and I should be fighting like rabid wolves if it's not.
So yeah. I'm just here. I'm here even if I didn't specifically offer to listen to you. Anybody can talk to me. Friend. Foe. I don't care. I'm not gonna turn on you.
PLEASE UNDERSTAND: The source of my anger is concern. I am really concerned about you. If you'd check in with me to let me know how you're doing in the least, I'd love that.

Future Meme
1. What would you do if right now the love of your life walked in and asked you to marry him/her?
I don't know. As per usual I'd screw myself over no matter what.

2. Do you trust your friends?
No. Not fully. That'd be asking me to forget everything I've learned about relationships.

3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
See #1

4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yep but not feelin it right now.

5. Name two things you would NOT tolerate in a relationship?
There's too long of a list to condense into two items.

6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?

I have no ideas.

7. Are you afraid of falling in love?
I feel like it was a stupid decision.
Which I never consciously made.

8. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
I have a long list and refuse to specify. But I will specify on someone I think of less often: She could be an inspiration to so many people, but half of her life she's entrusted to me as a secret so I can't even talk about why.

10. Would you stop talking to your friends because you hooked up with a new person?
I don't think i'll be hooking up with anyone so it doesn't matter. Where is 9?

11. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
5ish years ago.

12. What did the last text message you sent say?
I'm not going to look but I think I was telling mom "see you".

13. What features do you find most attractive in your preferred sex?
said, "None. "

14. Fill in the blank. I like _______ .
carrots.....?

15. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
finding self-contentment without pep talks or drugs or pampering.

16. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extensive time who would you call?
idk. that would just be depressing ok.

17. How many kids do you want to have?
Right now cats are enough.

18. Would you make a good parent?
No.

19. Where was/were your ID picture(s) taken?
where they're supposed to be.

20. What is your middle name?
E. that's all you're getting.

21. Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
"ugh"

23. Shoe size?
No.

24. What are you wearing right now?
clothing.

25. Righty or Lefty?
Right...

26. Can you make a dollar in change right now?
No.

26. Best place to eat?
Outside of Sleeping Beauty's castle at Disneyland. When no one else is there. Which probably never happens.

27. Favorite pair of jeans you own?
None.

28. Favorite animal?
Cat

29. Favorite juice?
Apple or Kerns nectars

30. Have you had the chicken pox?
yep

31. Have you had a sore throat?
yep

33. Who knows you the best?
...eh...

34. Do you get along with your family?
Mostly mom.

35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
No.

36. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
yes

37. Been to Mexico?
No.

38. Did you buy something today?
Nope.

39. Did you get sick today?
No. Only heartsick.

40. Did you miss someone today?
Yes.

41. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
No.

42. When is the last time you had a massage?
idk. I've never had a professional one.

43. Last person to lay in your bed?
...my cat.

44. Last person to see you cry?
probs mum.

45. Who made you cry?
I think myself. or my crush. or other people I dearly love.

46. What was the last TV show you watched?
Psych

47. What are your plans for the weekend?
write an essay cuz I have to

48. Who do you think will repost this?
No one.

49. Name of the person you got this from.
Musical-Medic

50. Are you happy?
No.
I have a headache.




What Did Meme
1.) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
nah......

2.) Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you reach?
a lamp, pencils, a house made of yarn and plastic, nightstand, tray.....

3.) What is the last thing you watched on TV?
see previous meme

4.) Without looking guess what time it is?
12:23

5.) Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
11:22

6.) With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
my heater

7.) When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
having a mostly-horrible day.

8.) Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
DA journals. and tumblr.

9.) What are you wearing?
clothes

10.) Did you dream last night?
idr

11.) When did you last laugh?
i snickered over something Ames, Mobi, or Medic said.

12.) What are one the walls you are in?
what

13.) Seen anything weird lately?
mm.....

14.) What do you think of this quiz?
ok

15.) What was the last film you saw?
I think "The Desolation of Smaug".

16.) If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
I'd mostly give it to charity.

17.) Tell me something about you that I don't know?
I don't want to answer that idk why im still doing this.

18.) If you could change one thing about the world. 
there are too many things that make me miserable to pick one. and I do mean miserable.

19). What do you want to learn in the future?
only what I have to? im not really intersted

20.) George Bush:
don't care.

21.) Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? 
husbando can name her idc...

22.) Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
David. After my pathologically lying grandfather.

23.) Would you ever consider living abroad?
maybe

24.) What do you want God to say when you reach the pearly gates?
anything positive.